Over before it began ...

All the waiting was so suspenseful!  Each day, you get different symptoms and feelings that remind you of how you felt when you were pregnant...so it's so hard to know what you're feeling?!  Is it a placebo or is my body responding to one or possibly two new additions?

Each morning I read and read more...some people tested positive after just 3 days from peeing on a stick and others didn't test positive until they got their blood drawn 10 days after transfer.

So beginning Friday, I began peeing on a stick.  Negative.  

Saturday, Negative.

Sunday, Negative.

Monday I was hopeful, since it has now been a full week since transfer... Negative.

Tuesday, Negative.  Tuesday was when I began coming to the realization that this might not be happening.  I am trying not to read into things or get too discouraged...but I really have come so far and have done everything exactly as I'm supposed to!  Made sure we were home in time for shots and didn't even travel for our milestone anniversary...I really wanted to be able to provide at least one baby to add to my sister and her family.

Wednesday, Negative.  

Thursday...the morning of my blood work!  Could it be?  Maybe the implantation just took longer than normal...will today be the day?!  Negative

So I send my sister and her husband a preparatory text message letting them know that I tested negative this morning so blood work might not be positive either.  I wish I had better news to share😭.

I went to my appointment (which was just a blood draw) and was met by my wonderful, adoring husband in the parking lot!  He surprised me and showed up with Crumbl cookies!❤️ He waited the short 5 minutes with me in the waiting room and then took me to lunch.

I think they save the bad news for last...at 4:30pm, I finally receive a call from the clinic.  Oh boy, it's a good thing I think I already knew in my heart I wasn't expecting.  So when the lady on the other end, in her super chipper voice asks, 'Are you ready for your results?!' I don't immediately jump to a positive result.  I mean...I did suddenly think, did one stick?? 

So I respond, 'Yes!' and am met with a...

"Your HCG results were less than .05, which is considered negative for pregnancy.  I'm so sorry Hon."

I wasn't shocked...although her voice and delivery sure did make me second guess things (she should work on that).  Before she jumps off, I ask what now?

She seemed taken aback by the question...but honestly, what happens now?  She said, 'Oh, you can stop taking all medication, like estrogen and shots immediately.  You should start your cycle within 10 days and you can reach out to the office if you are interested in doing another cycle.'

Okay so there it is!  Over a year of preparation...15 days of shots and estrogen, a transfer, and 10 long days of waiting...these two little embryos for what ever reason didn't attach.  I truly believe that whatever is meant to happen, will happen...that there was a reason these little embryos didn't implant.  

So, I'm preparing for the next 10 days as I come off of all this estrogen and progesterone.  From what I've read, I may have some nausea, headaches, and mood swings.  (Great). They also mentioned that this period would be heavier than normal and I might experience more cramping than normal, since my lining was made to become so thick.

P.S. I have no idea whether I will be pursuing another transfer or not since this isn't my decision to make...so for now I will take each day at a time😊

Wish me luck...I hope it all goes smoothly 🤞❤️.